Tell my Secrets
by Lailara
Summary: Claire writes in her diary. Songfic for 'Dear Diary' by P!nk


Title: Tell My Secrets  
Author: AriellaGiselle  
Rating: PG-13  
Distribution: My site, IMFanfic; anyone else who wants it, just ask.  
Spoilers: Any of the IMan episodes are fair game.  
Author's notes: Song fic based on "Dear Diary" by P!nk. Also answers a  
question from "Of Demons and Souls," but you don't need to read that to  
understand this. Claire's POV. -- -- = song lyrics  
Summary: Claire reflects while writing in her diary.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, except the idea, my theory on Claire's  
last name, and Claire's great-grandmum, Jackie.  
  
***********  
  
--Dear, dear diary  
I want to tell my secrets  
You're the only one  
That I know who'll keep them--  
  
*****  
  
11/23/2001  
  
Today was horrid. Darien and Bobby's "hot tip" was a ruthless trap, and  
they barely got out. Darien looked so upset when I patched him up. I  
wanted to tell him everything would be all right, but I knew it would be a  
lie. Just like so much of my Keeper facade.  
  
So many secrets are keeping me from enjoying my life. My closest friends  
can't even know my real name. They don't know the real me; they only know  
the Doctor Claire. I feel like such a fraud sometimes. I can't even keep  
the promises I've made to the people I love.  
  
*****  
  
--I've been down every road  
You could go  
I've made some bad choices  
As you know.  
  
Seems like I got this whole world  
Cradled in my hand  
It's just like me not to understand--  
  
*****  
  
11/24/2001  
  
So many broken promises. To Kevin, to Darien, to my mother and father. I  
swore them all something I couldn't produce.  
  
I can't take care of Kevin's "baby" or his brother, not by myself.  
Remembering the night I made that promise brings tears to my eyes. It was  
the last night we spent together. He knew he was going away for a long  
time, and I was truly desperate to hold onto what small part of him I could  
grasp. We talked about family, duty, and love. He told me about Darien's  
illegal activities, about his anxiety for his work, about his sadness at  
leaving me behind.  
  
I don't know how to take the gland out of poor Darien's head, not without a  
modicum of assistance. Every time he comes in for his shot and sits in that  
chair, the look on his face breaks my heart. That sad, wilting, reluctant  
face. I told him I could do it, and I probably could if I had the rest of  
my life to work on it.  
  
I told my parents I'd make them proud; I told them I'd find a life worthy of  
the Peyton name. Ever since I was small, I remember the stories. All of  
them starred my great-grandmum, Jackie. I was told that she was the  
greatest woman that ever lived, and every Peyton woman since then has fought  
to live up to that reputation. Hearing those things as a little girl had me  
totally in awe of such an amazing woman. She did things that no other woman  
in her time had done, and none have done as well since.  
  
Overwhelming hardly covers the regret I have. I wish I could go back and  
not make those damned promises. Why did I give them all such a false hope?  
  
*****  
  
--I learned my lessons young and  
I turned myself around  
I got a guardian angel  
Tattooed on my shoulder  
She's been watching over me--  
  
*****  
  
11/26/2001  
  
Sometimes the temptation to return to my family home is so strong. It's  
almost unbearable at times. The stench of failure would hang heavily on me,  
but they would accept me, because they know who I am, who I was meant to be.  
A Peyton; strong, proud, regal, and loyal to a fault.  
  
I've been mulling over the questions hanging around my neck for far too  
long. Maybe I should just give up and go home. At least there, I'm with  
family.  
  
*****  
  
--Dear, dear diary  
I wanna tell my secrets  
I know you'll keep them  
So this is what I've done--  
  
*****  
  
11/28/2001  
  
What am I talking about? Going home! I'd never be happy there. I should  
be happier here! My friends, my work is here.  
  
Kevin, I still love you, and I miss you. I will try harder to take care of  
Darien and the gland; that's not a promise, but an idea. You always told me  
that ideas were better than false promises.  
  
Darien, I can get that gland out of you. It might take longer than we'd  
hoped. I know what my problem was. I was looking for the quick fix. I  
need to concentrate on the long haul. We can do this together.  
  
Mum, Da, I *am* a Peyton! Strong, proud, regal, and loyal, everything you  
ever taught me to be! I'm sorry for all the grief I caused you as a young  
girl. I know that you are proud of me, and that you love me. I know that  
Grandmum Jackie would be proud, too.  
  
Epiphanies are really funny things...  
  
*****  
  
--Dear, dear diary  
I want to tell my secrets  
Cause you're the only one  
That I know who'll keep them--  
  
*****  
  
FIN~ 


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